Dear Daddy,
Today is the day I pen all the letters I should have started writing years ago. I guess I should not sit here thinking could have, would have, should have all night, so I'll just get down to it... I screw up. All day, every day I make mistakes. And I'd be deep in a pit of fire by now if I didn't have you. I honestly do not get how anyone could make it through life without you. I mean, I have always been a happy girl and never want to waste a beautiful life by choice. But, I have this feeling that it would happen at some point in my life if I did not have you as a constant. You are my support and my encourager, my strength and my resolve, my comforter and my helper. You have shaped and molded me to be something so special that even I do not know my full worth. I struggle with that at times. You know this better than any. Sometimes I feel like I'm worth barely anything... But it is those times when I hit the bottom that I am finally able to look up. And when I do finally look up, I see your face smiling down on me, arms outstretched, waiting for me to enter your loving hold. It is in your arms that I realize that other people's opinions do not matter. I am beautiful, just like every person in this world. And I know why. It's like they used to say in Sunday School and on Veggie Tales: God made you special, and he loves you very much. Without you I'd be nothing, and have nothing. That is why I am truly grateful for you. I have to admit to you, though, that I do doubt. I hate that I doubt. I loathe that I doubt. But that will change. As I grow closer to you, I will distance myself from that doubt until it's 100% gone. I think I doubt because in times of trial, it is hard to believe someone as good as you would do something so awful. But you always have a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 (my favorite verse) "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'" I will trust your plan fully. I need that plan and future you have for me because right now, when I have to make all these huge decisions about my future, I'm completely, utterly, hopelessly lost. I put my trust in you, God. In my time of trial, in my time of decision, in my time of need... I will trust you.
Sarah
